You might think of success as having three components: success in relationship, success in career, and success physically - achieving the highest level of health and wellness that you are capable of.
Over the last 10 years of my life, I've come to the perspective that if you don't take care of all these areas of your life, you won't command the respect you want, people won't listen to what you have to say, and you won't attract the people in your life that you want.
Stress, fear, and anxiety will all manifest in your life.
Dr. Paul Dobransky, author of a number of really interesting psychology books, talks about this idea he calls "durable fulfillment": the feeling of contentment people have on their deathbeds. I'm going to purpose to you that if you don't take care of these area of your life: physical, relational and business success, you won't reach durable fulfillment.
Now from my experience, finding a solution to the problem is seldom what holds us back - both TV and the internet have made finding advice a search away - virtually effortless. Success however involves getting outside our comfort zone and changing habits and behaviours that in most cases we have had for our whole lives.
To get outside our comfort zone and change these ingrained behaviours and habits, we have to first make the decision to change.
What does it mean to make a real decision?
To make a real decision means to make an internal commitment to do whatever it takes - whether that is months, years, or the rest of your life. In fact, the root of the word decision comes from the Latin word "caedere," which means to cut. So to make a true decision means to cut off any other possibility.
It means that you've reached the point of no return - your current situation has gotten to a point that has forced you into action.
Most people never make the voluntary decision to lose weight and take the power back in their lives. In the book "Change or Die," author Alan Deutschman talks about how 9 out of 10 heart bypass patients fail to both stop smoking and make the dietary changes necessary to save their lives.
Even when change is necessary to save our lives, we can't do it.
What's going on here?
Something that I found interesting is that we humans tend to be what's called "toward and away from" motivated. Even Pagan, an online business tycoon, refers to this as the pain and pleasure principle. Essentially we either move toward something we want or away from something we don't want.
What's really fascinating is that out of the two types of motivation (toward and away from), we tend to be more motivated to move away from something we don't want rather than toward something we do want.
So when we don't change, it's simply because we link more pain to change than we do to keeping the status quo. It's only until we link more pain to our current situation that we can make the decision to change.
What ultimately governs whether we decide to change our bodies?
Our beliefs determine our decisions, which determine whether we take action and generate results.
Beliefs are determined by what Tony Robbins calls references. We typically shape these references subconsciously. We watch the news where it's all shock and awe. We hang around negative people that aren't good for us. All these negative inputs affect us on a powerful subconscious level, which leads to a lack of decisions and, inevitably, a lack of results.
Now instead of allowing negative subconscious messages to shape your beliefs, choose to construct a positive belief system consciously. Meaning, specifically choose positive references to feed your mind.
I call this conscious evolution.
The more empowering references we have in our lives, the better decisions we make and ultimately the more results we produce.
The result themselves then give birth to new beliefs that create a perpetuating cycle that has us generating greater and greater results...
Here are two ways I've found particularly effective for consciously supplying my brain with positive references.
1. Form a Power Company.
I'm sure you've heard of the idea that you are who you surround yourself with.
If we took the five people closest to you - the five people with whom you spend
You literally are you're peer ground.
What if instead of haphazardly choosing your friends and surrounding yourself with people you "get along with", you strategically choose the people you spend time with?
Like the way that professional sports teams draft new players - there is some thought behind it.
Commit to only engaging in relationships that are both win-win and exchanges of value.
I'm not talking about getting involved in relationships from the perspective of "what can I 'get' from this person." Not at all.
But I am talking about only spending time with those particular individuals that are going in the same directions as you. Spend time with people who don't tiptoe around and are ready, willing, and able to look you in the eyes and call you on your shit when you're not vigorously pursuing your goals.
What if you found people you admire and respect who just lived a healthy lifestyle - all the decisions they made in their lives had their physical, emotion and mental well-being in mind - and just spent some time around them? This is what I call building your Power Company.
And yes, I'm even talking about family here.
I know, I do live in the real world, and I realize you can't just exile yourself from all family members. The trick is to figure out when they're at their best - positive and fun to be around - and just spend time with them then.
I've found that you don't need to say anything or stop returning their phone calls. Over time, as you evolve and move to the next level in your life, these people will just fall to the wayside all on their own.
I think it can be very valuable to go through and evaluate who you send your time with and whether the relationship is something that is bringing you closer to or farther from the goals in your life.
2. Surround yourself with giants.
Proactively surround yourself via books, videos, and audio programs with the wisdom of the great thinkers that have come before us.
You can only begin to create your own reality, when you can control the powerful signals that are affecting your mind and your emotional state. Over time, these positive inputs will go to work on your subconscious, which will produce constructive self-talk and an overall transformation in your belief system.